Beginning Hepcat Jive, Lesson 1: Contextual Drill Using "Zoot" and "Reet."

Creating a Warp in the Spacetime Continuum, He Sends All His Overdue Bills into the Far Future

The Upstairs Maid Wondered If She'd Stumbled upon a Universal Law of Physics

The Picture of Doria Gray

Some Racket You've Got There

Product Recall Announcement: Lady Liberty

Product Description: Golem
Prototype Developed: A. D. 1517
Issued to the Public: The Enlightenment
Previous Recall History: At the Births of the Materialist, Romantic, Revolutionary, Modernist and Postmodernist Movements (Ad Hoc Modifications Attempted)
Problem Noted: When Operating at Full Power, Has an Intractable Tendency to Eat Her Own Children

Hey Mom, I Found This Succubus in the Alley. Can I Keep It, Please? I'll Feed Her Myself, I Promise.

Last Night She Explained to Him the Difference between a Proposition and a Proposal

She Decided to Dive Back into the Gene Pool and Swim around in Its Currents

Togs Come Out of the Closet

The Day after Losing the Election, He Mails a Letter, Posing as the Unabomber

Paradise Refurnished

Design Entry for Arizona Statehood Coin (Obverse)

Dog Bites Man

Just Suck It Up

One Restaurant Specialized in Last Meals for Those about to Become Vegans

How Many Ars?

When You Mock Your Neighbor's Manhood, Always Do It in Front of His Family

How Many Bees?

So, Have You Girls Ever Heard of Spontaneous Kidney Combustion? It's Like Internal Combustion But Different.

She Wondered If They Were All under the Legal Size Limit and Would Have to Be Thrown Back

Collision at the Crossroads of Civilizations. With a Cast of Millions.

Just Set the Fruit on the Time Portal, Please

They Shared Their Hopes, Their Dreams, Their Hallucinations

Render Unto Fort Wayne

I Have Heard the Mermaids Singing, Each to Each

And Behold, It Shall Grow to Fill Every Space, Every Mind, Every Body

Colonel Mustard in the Library with the Lamp

Experiencing an Unpleasant Phase Shift in His Aura

Lost on His Way to the Refectory, He Resorts to Syllogisms in the Hope of Finding It

Up in Smoke

Bad Hair Day

Not Martyrs, It Seems, But Money, and Lots of It

Overzealous Captions Editor

Spinsterhood Is Powerful

The Great American Money Funnel

But We Can Add On to It

I Swear I Don't Have an Extra Cigarette

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Every Mark's Middle Name

Electromagnesia Banishes Dr. Thanatos and Calomel

Survivalists Await the Breaking of the Sixth Seal

The Depredations of Romanticism Reduce the Goddess of Reason to Selling Soap

Burn Your Ouija Board

Solution to the Problem of Nuclear Waste: Sell It.

Scientist Confirms His Faithless Girlfriend Does Have a Heart

I Will Show You Fear in a Handful of Dandruff

Lifted from Behind the Hedge of the Teeth, He Sees His Cosmic Destiny

Resistance Is Futile

The Gnostic's Quest Begins at Breakfast